Monday, July 9, 2012

Personal Greatness

On the way to work Friday, I had a nice
internal dialogue take place.
I was crabbing to myself about not
doing something with my life, as in,
"I'm not going to do something great during,
with, my life, I guess." 
And this part of me did a WTF,
head-to-the-side face, then said,
 "Yea, you are.  You already are. 
You're a fabulous wife. 
You go to work every day and
give them 100% even though it's not ideal. 
You love the stuffing out of your sons, your family. 
You write.  You're humorous and real. 
Um -- that's what life is. 
That's what great is."
[My Love, Ciera's Zebra curtains ... ]

And I listened, and was nodding even! 
It's TRUE. 
That's what "Great A La Toni" truly is. 
 God damn
NOBODY else can do any of that like I do,
with my feelings about it. 

"Some great thing' --
it's just another internalized myth,
perpetrated by this culture I live in.
'Great' has to be out there, visible,
quantifiable, blah blah blah.

These myths, I tell ya. 
Damned things!!!!!
They seriously do encroach on happiness,
satisfaction, self pride.
[Zebra curtains, acid green corduroy chair, blue Boho lamp,
all from My Love, Ciera's incredibly cool bedroom]

There's a shitload of great that's gone on,
and is always GOING ON,
in and about me.
I'm a great journaler, listener,
lover, reader, employee, intuitive, creative,
purger, salsa maker, soulful relative,
photographer (I have the eye),
visual curator/image discoverer.
I'm a great imaginative (my word).
I'm deeply musical, not just
because I love music, but in the way I
process & express -- well -- everything.
I'm greatly humorous, raw, real, alchemical.
I'm a fierce mother at base, DNA, and heart levels.
Ditto Grandmother.
I'm passionate, curious.
I'm resilient, adjustive (my word, too),
seeing, analytical, intellectual.
I'm a great poet.  I'm greatly organized.
My work ethic is exceeding.
I excel at naps, and writing letters, and
apologizing first.

[a shelf in My Love, Ciera's bedroom]

THIS is the stuff of personal greatness.
You see?

So 'they' don't build reality shows on any of this --
not enough bullshit or drama,
I'm guessing --
too much genuine.

I like genuine.
I like it in and about myself.
I don't need a TV show to
know I'm great.

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