Personal Greatness

On the way to work Friday, I had a nice
internal dialogue take place.

I was crabbing to myself about not
doing something with my life, as in,
"I'm not going to do something great during,
with, my life, I guess." 

And this part of me did a WTF,
head-to-the-side face, then said,

 "Yea, you are.  You already are. 
You're a fabulous wife. 

You go to work every day and
give them 100% even though it's not ideal. 

You love the stuffing out of your sons, your family. 

You write.  You're humorous and real. 
Um -- that's what life is. 
That's what great is."

[My Love, Ciera's Zebra curtains ... ]

And I listened, and was nodding even! 

It's TRUE. 

That's what "Great A La Toni" truly is. 

 God damn! 

NOBODY else can do any of that like I do,

with my feelings about it. 

"Some great thing' --

it's just another internalized myth,

perpetrated by this culture I live in.

'Great' has to be out there, visible,

quantifiable, blah blah blah.

These myths, I tell ya. 

Damned things!!!!!

They seriously do encroach on happiness,

satisfaction, self pride.

[Zebra curtains, acid green corduroy chair, blue Boho lamp,

all from My Love, Ciera's incredibly cool bedroom]

There's a shitload of great that's gone on,

and is always GOING ON,

in and about me.

Seriously. 

I'm a great journaler, listener,

lover, reader, employee, intuitive, creative,

purger, salsa maker, soulful relative,

photographer (I have the eye),

visual curator/image discoverer.

I'm a great imaginative (my word).

I'm deeply musical, not just

because I love music, but in the way I

process & express -- well -- everything.

I'm greatly humorous, raw, real, alchemical.

I'm a fierce mother at base, DNA, and heart levels.

Ditto Grandmother.

I'm passionate, curious.

I'm resilient, adjustive (my word, too),

seeing, analytical, intellectual.

I'm a great poet.  I'm greatly organized.

My work ethic is exceeding.

I excel at naps, and writing letters, and

apologizing first.

[a shelf in My Love, Ciera's bedroom]

THIS is the stuff of personal greatness.

You see?

So 'they' don't build reality shows on any of this --

not enough bullshit or drama,

I'm guessing --

too much genuine.

I like genuine.

I like it in and about myself.

I don't need a TV show to

know I'm great.